Just because you're a thin woman doesn't mean that your life is any better than an overweight woman.

I was watching a show on TV called "Supersize vs Superskinny" and an obese woman said something AMAZING!!! "Just because you're thin doesn't mean that your life is better than mine." How true? This show comes to the US from across the pond. where an average size is 12 US. Here, in the US, that is border line plus size!!! WTF AMERICA?!?!?! Since I was little, I have felt like a failure, ugly, unwanted, and as though I would never be able to be bautiful until I was stick thin like the popular girls in my school. Has I grown up in the UK, I may have turned out differently... just think, I would think that my size 14 sometimes 16 was beautiful. I would feel pretty BEAUTIFUL!!! I mean, one of the first things that I bought for my apartment was a weight scale... and I hate seeing it because I know that everytime that I step onto it, I will feel badly about myself. But without it, I won't face up to how my eating is affecting my health.
I know that I am beautiful because I am a child of God and even though I abuse food because of my weight and the feelings that have surrounding my weight because of food... every time that I walk around thin women I feel morbidly obese. What has American or mass media done to me? done to us?! My whole life I've felt held back because of my weight... I've been shy because I feel fat. I know that I need to lose about 60-50 pounds in order to be at my ideal weight for my height and age, but I wouldn't mind being back at my lightest weight which was 180. What's so wrong with a curvacious woman with meat on her bones? "No man wants to sleep with a snake." - A Land Remembered I'm ready to just be how genetics made me. I want to be like the French women are. They ask one question about their weight: "How do my jeans fit? Still comfy? Yes."
So buck up lovely ladies and don't feel like you have to be a size -5 just to be beautiful. Screw that! Life is too short and too precious to waste on being obsessed! Being concerned and watchful is permitted. But eat that piece of cake if you haven't had any sweeties all week. ENJOY YOUR LIFE!!! GOD GAVE IT TO YOU FOR A REASON.

It's hard to be on the outside looking in; especially when it's your dream.

That is how I have found myself feeling. Irrational, I know, but there my mind stays. I look at people laughing and having fun and doing things that I want to do while I am at the library or at home studying my life away... and I find myself thinking, "this most definitely is not the way that I planned for this to be going." Alas, there it is. And here I am living it... will fun ever find its way into my everyday routine or will I remain as I always have been? a lone girl with her books to keep her company when she begins to feel lonely.
I remember when I moved here, I fantasized about about all of the great people that I would meet and all of the fun that I would have and those fantasies are in stark contrast to the reality that I am now faced with living.
But here is to being positive. Here is to being patient that God will help me work it out. Here is to figuring it out before it is all over...